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Humor (Bloggers & Personal)

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  • Cops nab suspects after getaway car runs out of gas

    12/12/2017 1:12:48 PM PST · by ItsOnlyDaryl · 4 replies
    The Extract ^ | 12.10.17
    Georgia authorities arrested two armed robbery suspects who apparently failed to gas up their getaway car before allegedly committing the crime. Najee Logan, 18, and Justin Larry, 21, are accused of taking the victim’s wallet at gunpoint outside of an Atlanta-area supermarket.
  • North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Un 'Controls the Nature,' State-Run Newspaper Claims

    12/12/2017 12:15:05 PM PST · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 20 replies
    MRC TV ^ | December 11, 2017 | Monica Sanchez
    North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un is so powerful that he can control nature, the country’s government-run newspaper Rodong Sinmun claims. In an article detailing Kim Jong Un’s recent visit to Mt. Paektu over the weekend, the newspaper claims that he stopped a blizzard and brought about “fine weather” as he “ascended” hiking "through thick snow" to the 9,000-foot peak of the mountain. “When Kim Jong Un ascended to the top of it, going through thick snow, it showed fine weather unprecedented in the blizzard of December winter, exposing its majestic figure,” the newspaper reads. The newspaper calls Kim Jong...
  • Kaepernick Awarded Ho Chi Minh Red Star [semi-satire]

    12/12/2017 9:43:56 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    This week Colon Kaepernick, the original “kneeling football player,” was honored with the annual Ho Chi Minh Red Star award for his efforts against capitalist oppression. The gem-encrusted jewel was presented by 1972 award recipient Jane Fonda at the ACLU of Southern California’s annual Bill of Rights Dinner. Fonda hailed “Kaepernick’s extraordinary courage in the face of the extreme dangers he endured while being forced to risk life and limb for the amusement of unjustly rich team owners and rabidly racist fans of the barbaric sport as a player and the enmity of those who disrespected his right to disrespect...
  • Another Croc Drops

    12/12/2017 5:52:58 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 11 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-12-17 | MOTUS
    Just over a month since #MeToo snagged celebrity chef John Besh, Mario Batali finds himself in the frying pan. TMZ reports: Mario Batali is accused of "inappropriate touching" by 4 women -- 3 of them former employees -- and the allegation is forcing the celebrity chef to step away from his restaurant empire.One of Batali's accusers called him "creepy" and said he gave "me this provocative, icky feeling." Other claims are he groped a woman's breasts, grabbed someone from behind and compelled her to straddle him. Batali issued a statement saying “I apologize to the people I have mistreated and...
  • That Sad Moment When You Realize The FBI Is As Fake As The Fake News Media

    12/12/2017 4:51:04 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 66 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 12.12.2017 | David Blackmon
    Late on Monday, we learned that the Deputy Director of the FBI, Andrew McCabe, had suddenly and without real explanation cancelled his long-scheduled appearance to testify before the House Intelligence Committee today. Fox News reporter Chad Pergram tweeted Monday night that “congressional sources” told him that a subpoena would likely be issued to try to compel his appearance. That’s fairly ironic, since it took a threatened subpoena in early November to convince McCabe to agree to testify in the first place. Pergram further reported that his sources believe McCabe cancelled his appearance due to a concern that he would be...
  • Franken Persecuted by Democrats semi-satire]

    12/11/2017 9:40:06 AM PST · by John Semmens · 3 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    Despite asserting “I’ve done nothing wrong” and expressing confidence that he would have been cleared of wrongdoing by a Senate Ethics Committee investigation, Sen Al Franken (D-Minn) announced that he would be resigning his seat “in the next few weeks.” Franken, pressured by dozens of his fellow Democrats to “resign for the good of the Party,” complained about “the double standard in our society that lets Donald Trump get away with boasting about groping women, but hangs me because I actually took the initiative to interact with these women. As Trump said on the Access Hollywood tape ‘women let you...
  • Doug Jones’s “Wendy Davis” Campaign Strategy Seems To Have Failed. Who Could’ve Seen That Coming?

    12/11/2017 5:08:05 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 10 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    Roy Jones decided it would be smart for him to bring down a former governor of Massachusetts and a sitting senator from New Jersey to help him win a statewide race in Alabama. This does not strike me as a winning strategy for some reason. Go figure. But Jones has been pretty much tone deaf throughout this race, running essentially the same campaign strategy that Democrat Wendy Davis ran in the 2014 Texas gubernatorial race against Republican Greg Abbott. Davis, if you remember, ran a campaign based on abortion-on-demand, open borders and government control of everything, and brought in a...
  • It’s Monday. It’s December. I believe that calls for recipes.

    12/11/2017 5:04:13 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 10 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-11-17 | MOTUS
    It’s Monday. It’s December. I believe that calls for recipes. I saw a couple of teases in the comments over the weekend, such as 3XLady’s pictures of Potato Candy – candy? With potatoes? We need a recipe! And MichellenotTHATone was bragging about making white chocolate popcorn – White. Chocolate. Popcorn.!! Recipe please!For my part I want to harken back to our discussion on the November 21 ham and cheese sliders recipe post. Somebody commented that they are called “funeral sandwiches” in the South and I responded that in Utah the ubiquitous cheesy potato casserole was known as “funeral potatoes.” Behold,...
  • California Assembly Woman Seeks to Ban Cast Iron Skillets (satire)

    12/10/2017 7:46:07 PM PST · by Michael.SF. · 17 replies
    Vanity ^ | 12/10/2017 | myself
    Troubled by the use of this cooking mainstay as a murder weapon, a member of the California State Assembly, Beverly Colinas of Baldwin Park, has introduced a bill to ban the use of cast iron frying pans. “These pans have been used for years, by both womyn and men, not just for cooking, but also as a murder weapon. I do believe it is time for all womyn to speak out on this issue.” Ms. Colinas explained. Troubled by reports of killings in both Bozeman and Bellingham Ms. Colinas elaborated: “My district includes Baldwin Park. Maybe it is a coincidence:...
  • House Hearing Reveals Pattern of Bias in FBI [semi-satire]

    12/10/2017 10:07:29 AM PST · by John Semmens · 2 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    In FBI Director Christopher Wray’s testimony before a House committee earlier this week it became apparent that the FBI exhibited a pattern of inconsistent treatment and bias in the way the agency has handled investigations of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump over the last two years. Chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC) called the revelations “very damaging to the reputation and credibility of the FBI. Even though there appears to be considerable evidence that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton violated the law, the agency. under then Director James Comey, bent over backwards...
  • U.S. Diplomat’s Resignation Signals Wider Exodus From State Department

    12/10/2017 7:20:07 AM PST · by Fhios · 80 replies
    FP ^ | 12/9/2017 | DAN DE LUCE, ROBBIE GRAMER
    An award-winning U.S. diplomat who was seen as a rising star at the State Department has issued a scathing resignation letter, accusing Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and the Donald Trump administration of undercutting the State Department and damaging America’s influence in the world. Elizabeth Shackelford, who most recently served as a political officer based in Nairobi for the U.S. mission to Somalia, wrote to Tillerson that she reluctantly had decided to quit because the administration had abandoned human rights as a priority and shown disdain for the State Department’s diplomatic work, according to her letter, obtained by Foreign Policy.
  • Why Does The Fake News Media Keep Lighting Up Trump’s Exploding Cigars?

    12/10/2017 6:03:56 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 42 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 12.10.2017 | David Blackmon
    Ok, so, the whole “Russia Collusion” narrative has failed, and there is obviously no case to be made against the President for obstructing justice. As a result, it is becoming increasingly apparent that the fake media has latched onto going after the President for his personal habists now. The NYTimes this morning has a hit job today claiming that President Trump watches too much television and drinks too much Diet Coke. I swear I don’t make this stuff up. Who could? Remember that this NYTimes hit job – based entirely on un-named “sources”, of course – comes on the heels...
  • The Shed at Dulwich, a Parable For the Punked

    12/10/2017 5:23:30 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 4 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-10-17 | MOTUS
    Oobah Butler almost single-handedly pulled off the best punk of the year: London’s top-rated restaurant on TripAdvisor doesn’t exist.  “One day, sitting in the shed I live in, I had a revelation: within the current climate of misinformation, and society’s willingness to believe absolute bulls–t, maybe a fake restaurant is possible? Maybe it’s exactly the kind of place that could be a hit?”“In that moment, it became my mission. With the help of fake reviews, mystique, and nonsense, I was going to do it: turn my shed into London’s top-rated restaurant on TripAdvisor.”And so the “The Shed at Dulwich” was...
  • Is Sweden prepared for Russian invasion?

    12/09/2017 10:14:40 PM PST · by NorseViking · 25 replies
    SNN: An ability of Sweden to defend itself has become a question of heated debate on nationwide 'People and military' conference. Today we invited to our studio a colonel Eric Lillestohl from the Defence Ministry HQ. Lillestohl: Thank you. SNN: Would be Sweden able to defend itself in case of external aggression? Lillestohl: (laughter) You see, there is an widely supported opinion in expert community that Sweden has no actual risk of foreign aggression. In that sense we are absolutely ready. SNN: Ok, let's rephrase my question. Are we hypothetically capable to counter invasion? Lillestohl: (laughter) Why should we since...
  • Obama Claims Credit for Booming Economy [semi-satire]

    12/09/2017 9:11:19 AM PST · by John Semmens · 6 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    Rosy economic statistics showing a robust 3.3% annual growth in gross domestic product and an all time low in the unemployment rate for Hispanics prompted former President Barack Obama to assert that "the real credit for this good news belongs to me." "Trump wants everyone to believe that his relaxation of regulations and championing of tax cuts deserve the credit," Obama said. "What he and everyone else is overlooking is that the stringent regulations and high taxes that prevailed for my eight year term built up the 'coiled spring' pressure that, when released by Trump's moves, allowed the economy to...
  • Never Forget That Cleaning The DC Swamp Is Literally A Life Or Death Struggle

    12/09/2017 5:38:40 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 24 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    President Donald Trump was on fire at a rally in Pensacola Friday evening, where he took on an array of his adversaries, from the fake news media to (sadly) the FBI to huckster attorney Gloria Allred. Commenting on the legal and political system at one point, the President of the United States said “this is a rigged system. There’s no country like ours, but we have a lot of sickness in some of our institutions.” Truer words have never been spoken. After 8 years of an anti-American, Saul Alinskyite presidency, pretty much all of our institutions are sick. That was,...
  • Things That Make Me Worry About The Sustainability Of Planet Earth

    12/09/2017 5:23:01 AM PST · by NOBO2012 · 8 replies
    MOTUS A.D. ^ | 12-9-17 | MOTUS
    This week’s category winner: Calling millennials “snowflakes” is damaging to their mental health, reveals survey of 16-24 year olds.My first concern is the fact that anyone would even think to conduct such a survey.  My second is that it’s not just the snowflakes themselves buying into this victim du jour mentality: The thoughts were echoed by adults of all ages, with 58 per cent claiming the label is unfairly applied, the survey showed.A further 57 per cent felt that the term 'generation snowflake' could also harm the mental health of young people.  Instead of telling these post-millennials (which most of...
  • Trump Recognizes Jerusalem as Israeli Capital [semi-satire]

    12/08/2017 11:32:26 PM PST · by John Semmens · 17 replies
    Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 10 Dec 2017 | John Semmens
    After three previous presidents neglected to abide by legislation ordering the United States to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, President Trump obeyed the law by announcing that we will be moving our embassy from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. The move was denounced by Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah who contends that "this humiliation of 1.5 billion Muslims is immoral and illegal. Allah has given all the world to the Muslims. Trump's attempt to claim Jerusalem for Satan and his Jewish demons contradicts the eternal laws written in the Quran. Death and sorrow will be the payment extracted from the...
  • The Campaign Update Week In Review: Winning. Sooooo Much Winning.

    12/08/2017 4:30:45 PM PST · by EyesOfTX · 4 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | David Blackmon
    The Campaign Update Week In Review (Because The Campaign Never Ends) So, let’s review the week we have just experienced, because it will be remembered as the week the tide truly turned: Humiliation for pretty much every major fake media outlet: CNN, Reuters, Bloomberg, ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, WaPo and NPR. Somehow, the NYTimes escaped major embarrassment, unless I missed something. Sheer luck, no doubt. The Mueller coup d’etat effort began to come unraveled, as detailed in Friday morning’s Campaign Update. The Trump economy is booming, and our pathetic ex-President is wandering around the country desperately trying to take credit...
  • Mueller’s Attempted Coup d’etat Has Begun to Unravel

    12/08/2017 4:59:45 AM PST · by EyesOfTX · 54 replies
    DB Daily Update ^ | 12.8.2017 | David Blackmon
    The bottom line here is this: The Mueller “investigation” has been irrevocably revealed to be nothing more than a political hit job, a slow-rolling coup’ d’etat designed to un-do the results of a duly-conducted national election in the United States of America. It is not just an assault on the Trump Administration, it is an assault on our entire democracy, sponsored by the Clinton camp, holdovers from the Obama Administration and the embeded “deep state” bureaucracies. The fake journalists in the fake news media understand all this, if only subconsciously, and so they keep churning out these “Trump Can’t Fire...