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Humor (General/Chat)

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  • Odds and Ends

    02/25/2018 12:28:05 PM PST · by sodpoodle · 12 replies
    email from a friend | 2/25/2018 | unknown
    One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service...
  • Police Chief William McManus reads funny 911 calls

    02/24/2018 9:48:47 AM PST · by bgill · 10 replies
    news4 ^ | Feb. 23, 2018 | SBG San Antonio
    In case you didn't know, SAPD stands for San Antonio Police Department and not San Antonio Pizza Department or San Antonio Plumbing Department. Police Chief William McManus made that distinction clear in a video posted to the department's Facebook pages. McManus read real 911 calls, including one from a man who just wanted some pizza. Unfortunately, he called the wrong place to satiate his pizza hunger.
  • Senior Saturday

    02/24/2018 8:33:41 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 22 replies
    email from a friend | 02/24/2018 | unknown
    This is what all of us 70+ year-olds, and those yet-to-be have to look forward to!! This is something that happened at an assisted living center. The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so another guy's wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area. An hour...
  • President Donald Trump recites the SNAKE Poem at CPAC 2018

    02/24/2018 8:24:44 AM PST · by tired&retired · 16 replies
    YouTube ^ | February 23, 2018 | Trump
    Trump recites the Snake Poem as an analogy for our immigration policies in the past. Here it is. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ndhdZtLXiU THE SNAKE LYRICS by Al Wilson. On her way to work one morning Down the path along side the lake A tender hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew "Oh well," she cried, "I'll take you in and I'll take care of you" "Take me in oh tender woman Take me in, for heaven's sake Take me in oh tender woman, " sighed the snake . She wrapped him...
  • Friday silliness anyone?

    02/23/2018 9:45:26 AM PST · by freebird5850 · 35 replies
    Any takers for some? Slow day here...
  • A Snowman in our world(vanity)

    02/23/2018 4:22:49 AM PST · by CGASMIA68 · 5 replies
    email making the rounds
    Our World Today.... It’s been snowing all night. So the morning goes like this; 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman. 8:17 The nanny of the neighbors complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest. 8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead. 8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with. 8:28 I am being called a racist because the...
  • Today's Toons 2/23/18

    02/23/2018 3:34:23 AM PST · by pookie18 · 28 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/23/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Another Olympics Snark Thread, Women's free skate and Lindsey Vonn's Slalom!

    02/22/2018 5:14:20 PM PST · by RooRoobird20 · 41 replies
    Me | Feb 22 2018 | Me
    Johnny Wier is looking FABULOUS, and this is your last chance to root against Lindsey Vaughn LMAO!
  • We need more ZOT threads.

    02/22/2018 11:43:57 AM PST · by McGruff · 90 replies
    Free Republic ^ | 2/22/2018 | Me
    Could we have a ZOT thread once in a while. There was some newbie moron who volunteered with a thread today but it got locked before we could have any fun. Please.
  • Today's Toons 2/22/18

    02/22/2018 3:19:40 AM PST · by pookie18 · 17 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/22/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Jennifer Lawrence ‘Extremely Offended’ After Feminists Criticize Her Revealing Dress

    02/21/2018 7:26:43 PM PST · by Tolerance Sucks Rocks · 65 replies
    Big Hollywood (Breitbart) ^ | February 21, 2018 | Charlie Nash
    Hollywood star Jennifer Lawrence hit back at feminists who attacked her for wearing a “revealing” dress in cold weather, writing on Facebook Wednesday that she is “extremely offended” and calling her critics “sexist.” Lawrence came under fire for wearing a Versace dress, which critics described as “revealing,” while posing for a photo with her Red Sparrow co-stars Joel Edgerton, Jeremy Irons, Matthias Schoenaerts, and director Francis Lawrence, who wore winter coats. Helen Lewis, the deputy editor of the New Statesman, received thousands of likes in her critique of Lawrence’s choice of clothing.
  • George Carlin's Views on aging!

    02/21/2018 6:58:05 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 19 replies
    unknown | 5/1/1998 | George Carlin
    Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? <>If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. 'How old are you?' ' I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. 'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey,...
  • Today's Toons 2/21/18

    02/21/2018 3:17:09 AM PST · by pookie18 · 22 replies
    The Politics Forums ^ | 2/21/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • An Atheist in the Forest

    02/21/2018 2:07:36 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 20 replies
    email from a friend | 02/21/2018 | unknown
    An atheist was walking through the woods. 'What majestic trees! 'What powerful rivers! 'What beautiful animals! He said to himself. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look . . . and saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could along the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing on him .... He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer .... and then ..... He tripped and fell. Rolling over to pick himself up, he found the...
  • Hiring a Social Justice Warrior

    02/20/2018 7:43:04 AM PST · by BenLurkin · 17 replies
    Please forgive if this was previously posted. It is from 2016.
  • The furry buddha and other delights

    02/20/2018 5:17:25 AM PST · by SandRat · 9 replies
    Sierra Vista Herald ^ | Elizabeth Cowan
    Save What will you do after retirement? The commercials for retirement villages in warm climates promise fun, friends, and golf. If seasoned citizens buy into the enticement, they may rip up decades’ old roots and move to Florida, Arizona or similar places to live among total strangers. All the folks in the advertisements look healthy and happy. But what about the ones who have trouble getting around? How will they be able to partake of the promised nirvana of retirement? What is chasing a little pimply ball around the golf course is more of a challenge rather than fun? So,...
  • Today's Toons 2/20/18

    02/20/2018 3:23:24 AM PST · by pookie18 · 20 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 2/20/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Candid Camera Classic: Pickets Demand Lower Pay!

    02/19/2018 6:42:23 PM PST · by Republican Wildcat · 6 replies
    Our staff shows up at stores, protesting high pay!
  • Today's Toons 2/19/18

    02/19/2018 3:29:43 AM PST · by pookie18 · 19 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 2/19/18 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Golf for Geezers

    02/19/2018 3:01:15 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 9 replies
    email from a friend | 2/19/2018 | unknown
    While golfing, I took a quick turn to avoid hitting a chuck hole, and accidentally overturned my golf cart. A very beautiful and attractive golfer, who lived right there on the edge of the golf course, heard the noise, came running out of her villa and shouted, "Are you okay?" As I looked up I noticed she was wearing only a silky see-through bath robe which was partially open, revealing what appeared to be a VERY nice figure. "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself out from under the twisted cart. She said, "Please come with me...