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Humor (General/Chat)

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  • Texas drug suspects called cops after somebody stole their weed, police say

    01/18/2019 11:57:26 AM PST · by dennisw · 9 replies
    Fox News ^ | Dec 17 2019 | By Samuel Chamberlain
    Who do you call when someone steals the marijuana you're trying to sell? According to authorities in Texas, a pair of teenage would-be drug dealers opted to call the police. Investigators say 18-year-old Reed Henry and 17-year-old Jeremy Galladora contacted the Harris County Precinct 4 Constable's Office to report a robbery. When deputies arrived, the pair said they had met up with a group of men to sell an item they had listed online, only to have the men assault them and make off with the item. However, after an investigation, deputies realized Henry and Galladora were actually trying to...
  • Gillette Now Including Free Manly Side Bag With Every Purchase (Satire)

    01/18/2019 9:24:20 AM PST · by Gamecock · 15 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 1/15/2019
    BOSTON, MA—As part of its new ad campaign designed to target a new, more sensitive American male, Gillette announced Tuesday that the company will be giving out a free manly pink side bag with every purchase while supplies last. The bag will reportedly contain a copy of The Feminine Mystique and instructions on how to treat any toxic masculinity you may have come down with. To get the free bag, you must spend at least $20 on a Gillette razor or other hygienic product and mail in your man card to the company. "We want to appeal to the modern...
  • PANIC REIGNS AS MAJOR SNOWSTORM THREATENS TO BURY NYC !!! [vanity/satire]

    01/18/2019 8:06:59 AM PST · by Mr_Moonlight · 56 replies
    The New York Whines | January 18 2019
    January 18 2019 - The New York Whines - A huge snowstorm is threatening to overtake New York City this morning, as over 1/32nd of an inch of the dreaded semi-frozen crystals have accumulated thus far in Central Park and on the streets between Lexington and Fifth Avenues. Buses and Subways are running at half speed as ordered by Mayor Bill de Blasshole after he was awoken from his mid-morning snooze and informed of the developing calamity facing the city. Said the Mayor before resuming his nap, "I have fully capable people in positions to deal with these types of...
  • Today's Toons 1/18/19

    01/18/2019 3:14:54 AM PST · by pookie18 · 16 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 1/18/19 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Media Astonished To Learn Christian School Teaches Christian Beliefs (Satirish)

    01/17/2019 3:44:49 PM PST · by Gamecock · 9 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | 1/17/2019
    U.S.—News media outlets around the country were reportedly astonished to discover a Christian school at which second lady Karen Pence is teaching holds their students and staff to Christian beliefs. Expert journalists went to great lengths to uncover this story, unveiling the shocking revelation that a Christian woman teaches at a Christian school that affirms Christian doctrine on human sexuality that has been unchanged for 2,000 years. "It is the current year, and Christian schools still have the nerve to teach Christian things," said a CNN commentator. "I will now glare at the camera in silence for the remainder of...
  • Freshmen Dems go looking for Mitch McConnell to pressure him on shutdown, end up at wrong office

    01/17/2019 1:54:33 PM PST · by blueplum · 27 replies
    HotAir ^ | 16 Jan 2019
    The funny part of this isn’t the wrong turn. The funny part is the idea that McConnell, of all people, might be cowed by a bunch of Democrats. It’d be like the Freedom Caucus showing up at Pelosi’s office and demanding she back a balanced-budget amendment. Think she’d be intimidated? {snip} Yes, everyone’s favorite frosh was part of the group. {snip} They left a note signed by more than 30 House freshmen for him on his desk in the Senate, hoping, I guess, that he’ll read it and “run train” on the shutdown.
  • So-called ‘flushable wipes’ pile up in Lexington sewers

    01/17/2019 10:11:55 AM PST · by Honest Nigerian · 29 replies
    Lexington Herald Leader ^ | JANUARY 16, 2019
    Those “flushable” wipes you put down the toilet may have to be removed by hand from the city sewage equipment they clog. The cleansing cloths, dubbed “flushable wipes,” are marketed for post-toilet use but are typically not biodegradable. They do not dissolve like toilet paper does when flushed, and once in the sewer system, they can clump together and cause problems. It’s a mess Rod Chervus, the collections and conveyance manager for Lexington’s sanitary sewer department, has been dealing with for several years, and it’s getting worse. “If it says ‘flushable wipe,’ don’t believe it. Don’t flush it down the...
  • Satire. Poll Finds Most People OK With Raising Taxes On Other People

    01/17/2019 8:20:41 AM PST · by gattaca · 22 replies
    U.S.—In a stunning new poll, Americans indicated they are OK with a 70% marginal tax rate, indicating that since the hefty taxes would only apply to other people and not themselves, they are alright with the extremely high taxes. "See, a lot of people think the proposed 70% tax rate is way too high," said one woman in California. "But what they don't understand is that the 70% is only on really rich people---in other words, not me. Let's crank it up to 90, 100, or 110% even. I don't mind in the slightest." Americans all over the country suggested...
  • Today's Toons 1/17/19

    01/17/2019 2:32:42 AM PST · by pookie18 · 13 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/17/19 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • ..No Longer Tolerate A System Where The Rich Get Richer And The Poor Also Get Richer-SATIRE

    01/16/2019 7:39:55 PM PST · by fungoking · 2 replies
    The Babylon Bee ^ | 1/16/19 | Staff
    We Can No Longer Tolerate An Economic System Where The Rich Get Richer And The Poor Also Get Richer An op-ed by Bernie Sanders Capitalism has failed us. The year is [editor please insert current year here], and we still have an economic system where the rich people just continue to get richer, while the poor suffer by also getting richer. We must look to socialism for a more equitable system, one in which there are no upper or lower classes---well, at least one in which there is no upper class. We must look to socialism, where wealth isn't created...
  • 'Terrorist Droppings' in N.M. Desert indicate need for protection, says Pelosi (humor/satire)

    01/16/2019 4:55:22 PM PST · by topher · 2 replies
    [Based on information from Washington Examiner article but Satire/Humor: '{Lordsburg, N.M.} Border rancher: 'We’ve found prayer rugs out here. It’s unreal'' -- http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3720296/posts] Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi wants to use the Endangered Species Act to protect the endangered Syrian ISIS Terrorist critter, Somali ISIS Terrorist critter, Kenyan Al-Shabaab critter, Iranian Al Qaeda critter as well as the Iranian ISIS critter. The prayer rug droppings of these critters have been found by farmers/ranchers in the Lordsburg, New Mexico area. Many ranchers/farmers, as well as other US citizens feel these varmits are nothing but pests and should be exterminated...
  • Dog puts fisherman's RV in reverse, backs it into Lake Sam Rayburn

    01/16/2019 3:45:37 PM PST · by lowbridge · 42 replies
    khou.com ^ | January 9, 2019 | Raegan Gibson
    A professional fisherman got a big surprise as he tried to launch his boat at Lake Sam Rayburn to practice for a fishing tournament this past weekend. Eric Jackson, of Rock Island, TN, told 12News his two-year-old Dalmatian, Bodi, stepped on the gear shift switch, putting the 38-foot RV in reverse.  Jackson says he was on the back bumper unloading his boat when the RV began backing into the lake. Jackson had been working to launch his boat at the ramps at the Umphrey Family Pavillion of Highway 255. He was planning a practice day before the Fishing League Worldwide 2019...
  • Today's Toons 1/16/19

    01/16/2019 3:20:19 AM PST · by pookie18 · 20 replies
    The Politics Forums ^ | 1/16/19 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • NFL LIVE THREAD: Conference Championships

    01/15/2019 11:05:44 PM PST · by Impy · 65 replies
    1-15-2018
    NFL LIVE THREAD: Conference Championships SUNDAY, JAN 20, 2019 (All Times Eastern) NFC: #2 Los Angeles Rams at #1 New Orleans Saints 3:05 PM on FOX, Mercedes-Benz Superdome AFC: #2 New England Patriots at #1 Kansas City Chiefs 6:40 pm on CBS, Arrowhead Stadium
  • Sign up for the Texas Marathon

    01/15/2019 4:09:46 AM PST · by sodpoodle · 18 replies
    email | 1/15/2019 | unknown
    Due to the popularity of the TV "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled: "Survivor - Texas-Style!" The lucky contestants will all start in Dallas, drive to Waco, Austin, San Antonio, then over to Houston and down to Brownsville. They will then proceed up to Del Rio, El Paso, Odessa, Midland, Lubbock, and Amarillo. From there they will go on to Abilene and Fort Worth. Finally, back to Dallas. Each contestant will be driving a pink Prius with 15 bumper stickers which will read: 1. "I'm A Democrat" 2. "Amnesty For Illegals" 3. "I Love The Dixie Chicks"...
  • Today's Toons 1/15/19

    01/15/2019 3:34:19 AM PST · by pookie18 · 19 replies
    The Right Reasons ^ | 1/15/19 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Today's Toons 1/14/19

    01/14/2019 3:40:36 AM PST · by pookie18 · 15 replies
    The Briefing Room ^ | 1/14/19 | pookie18
    Click on link
  • Woman banned from Walmart after riding cart while drinking wine from Pringles can, police say

    01/13/2019 8:44:19 AM PST · by rdl6989 · 53 replies
    wsbtv.com ^ | Jan 12, 2019 | Jared Leone, Cox Media Group National Content Desk
    WICHITA FALLS, Texas - Police were called to a Texas Walmart after a woman was reportedly drinking wine from a Pringles can and riding an electric cart in the parking lot.
  • 25 Of The Worst Food Name Fails Ever

    01/13/2019 12:32:14 AM PST · by Oshkalaboomboom · 43 replies
    BoredPanda ^ | Jan. 12, 2019 | Lina D.
    We’re pretty picky about how our food is packaged – choosing the wrong name, packaging color or logo can scare us away from a product. You’d think that a food company would want to do some research to make sure that their product isn’t ridiculed or doesn’t seem repulsive, but judging by these food name package design fails, some of these guys don’t seem to have gotten that memo. Some of these are translation fails – we can only hope that that Chinese food company isn’t selling shredded children and that it was actually a funny fail. Others, like the...
  • Satire: Church Greeters Stationed At Southern Border To Deter Immigrants

    01/12/2019 11:22:04 PM PST · by gattaca · 14 replies
    Babylon Bee ^ | January 10, 2019 | Babylon Bee
    TEXAS—In an innovative new plan to deter illegal immigrants from crossing into our country, church greeters are being stationed along the border, smiling and stretching out their hands to cheerily greet anyone who approaches. The excitable, impossibly peppy greeters will chase down Mexican immigrants in order to shake their hand, welcome them to the country, and give them a bulletin and church swag, inevitably prompting the frightened immigrants to run away as fast as they can. "Welcome to America, we're so glad to have you with us this morning. How has your week been?" they'll recite dutifully to each approaching...